We have spawned! Following discussion in various places, we have created fic_tossed, where willing victims authors can submit their stories for pseudonymous critique. It's still in the early stages, but we're hoping to have it house trained and ready for playgroup soon.

Quick note: The reviewer at cot_after_dark has covered every story in all of the PWP categories. They're great reviews: very long and detailed.



A Stranger In The City by Astrogirl
Crossover fandom is Star Trek (original series). Great writing, and the interaction between Jack and Spock is handled very well. The author does a nice job of fitting Jack into the City on the Edge of Forever episode.


Wacky Rooftop Hijinks by booster17
Crossover fandom is Batman. The story is very cracky, but not very funny. It feels like a "random insanity" piece where the humor is forced rather than natural.


Thank God For Retcon by DemonChildeKyra
Crossover fandom is Gilmore Girls. A Weevil is in Stars Hollow, and Jess isn't surprised. Why? Well, after everyone from Torchwood shows up at Luke's, we learn that Jess had a previous sexual relationship with Jack. After he was injured by a Weevil, Jack told him about aliens. And didn't retcon him. Pretty much everyone in this fic is out of character, for some unknown reason retcon doesn't work on Lorelai, and the writing is full of technical errors.


In Loyal Service by joonscribble
Crossover fandom is The Dresden Files (TV series).This fic is part of a Dresden/Torchwood series, but I thought it was reasonably easy to follow even without having read the preceding stories. I've seen a few Dresden Files episodes, and from what I could tell, everyone was in character. The fandoms mesh well enough; the writing is very good. Pet peeve: Epithets were used too often for my liking ("the wizard" for Harry, and "the ghost" for Bob, in particular).


A Little Hope by fear-alchemist
Crossover fandom is Doctor Horrible. However, the crossover element really just consists of Ianto playing around in the basement of the Hub. The verb tenses change randomly, and the humor falls flat. (Also reviewed here, in Crackfic, though technically the story should be eligible for just one of these categories.)


All The Little Soldiers by MJ
(Part 2 is here.)
Crossover fandom is Lord Peter Wimsey. The author comes up with a plausible reason for Jack, Peter, and Bunter to meet, but the final two scenes felt heavy-handed and unnecessary. While the crossover is an intriguing idea, this story's execution was a bit off for me.


Things That Are Golden Don't Break Easily by paperclipbitch
Crossover fandom is Chronicles Of Narnia. I've read two of the Narnia books, a long time ago. From what I recall of them, the author has done a really good job of writing the Narnia characters. Some readers might object to liberties taken with the timeline, but frankly, the scene where Jack mildly flirted with a 14-year-old Susan bothered me more (not that much, though). This is a fulfilling story with rich detail.


Overall: My vote will go to A Stranger In The City or Things That Are Golden Don't Break Easily.

The Gwen Bashers by Ghost2
The title of this story is not "Gwen Basher," as CoT would have you believe, and if you read the story, you'll immediately see why the title is plural, not singular. The author wrote this as a mock entry for a Gwen-bashing contest (WTF is up with rewarding bashing, fandom?), and though the story is essentially the same joke repeated over and over, it's sarcastic and funny.

I probably shouldn't wonder whether any of fandom's Gwen-bashers won't be able to tell this is a parody. The answer will just make me grouchy.

The Applesauce Incident Is What Tipped Them Off, Really by kayliemalinza
Ianto's turned unexpectedly mean, and Jack tries to get to the root of the problem. I loved the opening section about the apple and the jokes about Ianto's eyebrows and Jack's facial expressions. But the pacing of the humor felt inconsistent – terribly funny in places, slack in others, like the seemingly off-topic conversation about the Doctor. Still, this one's worth reading, especially for Ianto's snark.

The Principia Tescordia by kenazfiction
I think I can safely say this is the only story I've read that combines cheesy Christmas decorations, Discordianism, some awful puns (the one about the Fiesta made me laugh out loud), hot dogs, and Owen in a festive Christmas jumper. "The Principia Tescordia" is absolutely brilliant, and if the BBC doesn't buy the rights to film it as the Torchwood comedy Christmas special, I will be deeply disappointed.

We Wish You A Merry Weevil by Holdingoff
I figured it wasn't a good sign when the title of the author's LJ used "its" incorrectly. That, along with the author's note warning for Gwen-bashing and identifying the fic as part of the Anti-Gwen Alliance Christmas Challenge, almost made me click the Back button then and there. There's badly punctuated and incorrectly capitalized dialogue, "Hub" is consistently spelled in lowercase, and the characters are virtually unrecognizable. I tried to read the whole thing but finally gave up halfway through when Ianto told Gwen "this is Torchwood, not the chav-infested Swansea estate that you sprung from." Truly awful.

Trading Coats by skellerbvvt
Jack and Ianto pretend to be each other as part of a sex game. It's a good setup, but frankly, I found the story unfunny and boring. The frequently mispunctuated and incorrectly capitalized dialogue didn't help matters, and neither did awkward phrases like "Jack went to get the candles, the sex candles, and Ianto could almost hear him hoping that the sex candles would not be wasted on paperwork, which Ianto would not do."

Job Requirements by Lorannah
PC Andy wants a job at Torchwood, and Ianto lays out the requirements, some of which are a little unusual. It's a cute concept, but this story really needs a good beta to help tighten up the language and pacing and fix a few punctuation problems.

A Little Hope by fear-alchemist
In this crossover with Dr. Horrible, Gwen discovers something unexpected about Ianto. The story feels more like a teaser for something longer and funnier; unfortunately, this is all there is.

Overall: A very mixed category, but it should be obvious that my vote goes to The Principia Tescordia.

Here are reviews of the first seven stories nominated in the New Who WIP category. Comments are based on the first three parts of each fic.


Held in Trust by the_tenzo
This well-written Handy/Rose story is a sequel to a fic I haven't read. Handy uncovers a mystery in Somerset and wants to investigate with Rose, as well as Alt!Donna (they met her in the prequel). In the early parts, it's a fun story that looks like it will become a good adventure fic. Handy/Rose fans probably will like it a lot.


Heritage by np_complete
This WIP concerns the Doctor and Rose's son, John Tyler. It's told from the viewpoint of Penny, a new employee at the Tyler Institute. There's not a lot of development of Penny as a character (she basically just seems like a nice person) but the material with John is somewhat more interesting. I tend to have little interest in OCs; readers who are more open to them should give this story a try.


In Human Hands by Rallalon
In this story, the Ninth Doctor is a human named John Smith who works in Barcelona as an auto mechanic. A tourist named Rose Tyler starts to hang around him, and he gradually lets down his guard with her. The pace is deliberate, and the mystery behind the Doctor's current life unfolds in an intriguing manner. One quibble: The story is marred by phonetic dialogue for Rose (including “He works with ‘em,” she says, “an’ ‘m not allowed t’ go with him where he’s gone this time, so ‘m waiting here.”), with only very occasional phonetic dialogue for the Doctor.


Help! by Malice Haughton
After the events of Midnight, the Doctor is traumatized. Donna thinks he should see a psychologist. I was particularly interested in seeing how his first session would go, but I skimmed ahead and it turns out that meeting doesn't occur until chapter 15. As for drawbacks, the writing is awkward in spots, with some overlong, tangled sentences. Also, the Jack characterization felt a bit off in the early going.


Our Velocity by zauberer_sirin
Sequel to "Now We Have a Map of the Stars" (previously reviewed here, though not by me). This story has Martha, the Master, and the Doctor travelling together. The Master wants to date Martha; she claims she isn't interested (read between the lines, though). The cracky tone is fun, and I enjoyed the first three chapters. But why are the paragraphs so short? Far too many of them consist of only one or two sentences, making the story read choppily.


Ever/Was by ljg_fanfic, onlylyin, treblebeth
A virtual season. It kicks off before Turn Left, with Rose trying to find the Doctor. Then the story moves on to cover the events of Journey's End (and in some places becomes a bit too much telling with not enough showing). Apparently, the chapters after the first three will deal with life in the Alt!World. The writing is good, but only the first chapter put much of a new spin on things.


Belonging by never_more_cat
Previously reviewed here, in the Torchwood WIP section. As said there, the Tenth Doctor visits Jack after Exit Wounds and Journey's End. The writing style is reasonably good, the author knows how to punctuate, and the first three chapters are decent.


Overall: Keep in mind that if any of these stories significantly improved or deteriorated after the first three chapters, I don't know about it. My impressions are based on the early going only. I would have kept reading Held in Trust and In Human Hands to see what happened. For the crack factor alone, I would have read more of Our Velocity.

This category's reviews are the work of two people. One read three of the longer stories, and the other one covered the rest.


Truthiness And Relative Dimensions In Space by Erin Ptah

Crossover fandom is Fake News. It tells the story of how Stephen Colbert (the character, not the actor) travelled in the TARDIS at two distinct times during his life: at age seventeen with Ten and Jack and at age forty-four with Four and Sarah Jane. There is a lot of fun with ontological paradoxes and other wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. The author alternates between the two narratives quite deftly: the story would not have worked nearly as well if they'd been separated. It's quite long and it looks a bit daunting at first, but, unlike a lot of the long stories I've reviewed for cot_tossed, it never felt quite so long while I was reading it. It's very well-written, very funny, and the various extras are neato keen. Best of all, it's written so that fans of Fake News and fans of Doctor Who can both understand the fic without knowledge of the other fandom. I was very favorably impressed with this fic and I don't even usually like RPF. Good job, Erin Ptah.


Snark and Explosives by TigerKat

Crossover fandom is Firefly. These are two drabbles whose basic premise boils down to this: wouldn't Ace/Jayne be an awesome pairing? I'm not entirely convinced, but considering some of the boyfriends Ace has had (I'm looking at you, Mike the Fascist and Sabalom Glitz the semi-canonical) it's not entirely inconceivable that she might hook up with someone like Jayne. Especially since this seems to be Badass!Ace from the NA novels. Anyhow, the author has a good Jayne voice and it's quite decently written on the whole. One nitpick, though: I'm pretty sure Ace's brand of high explosive is called Nitro-Nine, not Nitro Five.


Companions at the Chalet School by hhertzof

Crossover fandom is the Chalet School book series. Readers have to accept the premise the author sets up, or pretty quickly the story won't work for them. That premise is that in 1965, Jo Grant, Sarah Jane Smith, and Ace McShane all become students at the school, while Barbara Wright is a teacher. (Turns out that after being away for two years during her travels with the Doctor, on her return home Barbara had trouble finding a job and had to take a position at what just happens to be her old school.) Ace is an undercover student because the Seventh Doctor wants to investigate a school mystery. I've read a few of the Chalet School books, and the author does a nice job of capturing their spirit. Plenty of cliches from the books are included, in a loving manner. All in all, this is an enjoyable, charming story.


Heartbeats by nonelvis

Crossover fandom is The Sandman. It's a lovely, bizarre little story about the Doctor being lost in Delirium's realm after the end of the Time War as he's busy regenerating from Eight to Nine (at which point Death shows up as well.) It's pretty well-written for the most part, though a bit confusing in places. Since one of the main characters in this fic is the personification of confusion, though, I choose to see it as a deliberate move on the author's part. I found it quite enjoyable to read, though I'm not sure if readers unfamiliar with The Sandman would get as much out of it.


Things That Never Were by KerrAvonsen

Crossover fandom is Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Eight rescues Ford and Arthur from the Daleks (which aren't supposed to exist.) It's quite decently written and the author does a fairly decent job of replicating the Douglas Adams style in places. I especially liked the Dalek section of the Guide.

Travel Light by Astrogirl

Crossover fandom is Farscape. Unfortunately, I've only had the chance to see a couple of first season episodes of Farscape, so I won't be able to properly evaluate this story on those merits. That being said, all the Farscape bits do line up with the little bit I've seen. Anyhow, Ace and Seven land the TARDIS inside Moya, which doesn't really have a crew anymore. Then they get involved in liberating a planet. The author does a good job with the Seven and Ace voices and the fic is quite well-written on the whole. It was interesting, but I think I would have got more out of it if I'd seen more Farscape.


The Trouble With Harry by Azar

Previously reviewed here.


Mrs. Pollifax And the Resurrecting Man by jadelennox

Crossover fandom is Dorothy Gilman's Mrs Pollifax books. It's another one where I have little to no familiarity with the source material, although I've sort of decided on the basis of this story and what Wikipedia tells me that I should actually start reading these books: they sound pretty interesting. Anyhow, Mrs Pollifax is an elderly woman who ended up becoming a spy for the CIA at the age of sixty. Also, according to this story, she's secretly a former companion to the Doctor. There's not much of a plot to the story--and what plot exists is basically this is Mrs Pollifax; here are some nasty street thugs that want to mug her; watch her meet the Doctor again--but it is for the most part well-written. Also characterization for the Doctor Who characters are quite strong: Tegan, Adric, and Five were immediately identifiable as themselves before ever being named.


Sarah Jane of the Chalet School by Paranoidangel

Crossover fandom is the Chalet School book series. Yes, another one. This story and Companions at the Chalet School were both written for the 2008 TARDIS Big Bang challenge. This fic is an AU set in the 1930s. Sarah Jane is a teacher the Chalet School, while Harry Sullivan works as a doctor at the nearby Sanatorium. He and Sarah Jane meet and start to date, but can their relationship last? While the story has a lot of exposition, as with the previous Chalet School crossover in this category the author does a very good job of capturing the tone and spirit of the books. And even in this very different setting, Harry and Sarah Jane are recognizable as the characters seen in Doctor Who.


Overall: All of the stories seem to be reasonably well written, though one reviewer's pick is Truthiness And Relative Dimensions In Space, while the other one had fun reading both Chalet School crossovers.

No Ordinary War by Livii
The Seventh Doctor drops Ace and Hex in 1970s Paris, ostensibly to help fight in a difficult and nonlinear war. When the TARDIS doesn't come back for them on schedule, they're forced to gradually build a life together. What happens at the end is absolutely chilling, but also stretches Seven's canonical powers more than I thought they could be stretched, even if what he does is terrifyingly in-character. Nevertheless, the language here is beautiful, and the portrait of Ace and Hex's relationship heartbreaking.

In A Dim Light by Branwyn
A creepy but oddly hopeful story in which Romana, held captive by the Daleks for ten years (an event from the Big Finish audio "The Apocalypse Element"), hallucinates a conversation with the Fourth Doctor. It's a short but powerful discussion about the nature of dreams and the Time Lords' inextricable link with the Daleks, and though nothing about Romana's actual situation changes, by the end there's a flicker of optimism.

Wipe The Sleep Out Of My Eyes by Bagheera_san
This one isn't dark so much as bittersweet. It's a portrait of Dodo Chaplet, a companion who disappeared halfway through her last serial, as she struggles with memory loss caused by the Doctor and encounters several of his companions through the years. Bagheera_san depicts Dodo's confusion, good cheer, and courage so perfectly you can follow along even if you've never seen her episodes. (I haven't.) A gorgeous character sketch.

Nightingale, Alone by Mhalachai
I like this story's concept – that there's an explanation for Bad Wolf other than what we see in "The Parting of the Ways" – but I found the execution a little too melodramatic. Romana's grief and rage at the end of the Time War are palpable here; I just wish the author had held back on some of the metaphors.

Mirror Image by JayTheNerdKid
Seven keeps seeing Nine in mirrors, dreams, and shadows, and tries to tease out why he's being haunted. I don't usually like stories told in the second person (it's too often used to insert the author's voice instead of the character's), but I don't think "Mirror Image" would work nearly as well otherwise. To say I found this story unsettling would be an understatement, but I mean that as a compliment: "Mirror Image" is a tremendous story, and so far my favorite of the bunch.

And the Mill Wheel Slows Down by schildkroet
This is quite well-written, but mind the warning for "serious spoilers for the EDA The Ancestor Cell" – having never read that book, I couldn't really follow the story. If you're familiar with The Ancestor Cell, I think you'll get a lot out of this one; there's a great deal of emotion packed into a small space, but it clearly will work best if you have the background information I don't have.

THAT by Jedi_penguin
Another one that will be tough to follow if you aren't familiar with the background material; in this case, the audio play "Scherzo." Jedi_penguin uses one of the play's most peculiar plot elements to explore Charley's sexual inexperience and desire, and if you've never listened to the play, I think you'll be pretty confused about what's going on here. The central analogy of the story is a compelling one, and I liked the story overall, but at the same time, I'm not sure it's dark enough for this category.

Borrowed Time by Nix Nada
I think this is the only story I've ever read that focuses on Kamelion, who in my opinion was never a terribly interesting character. But here he's quite sympathetic, as a personality chip briefly gives him a taste of what it's really like to be the Doctor. It's a poignant story, and though the final line is a little heavy-handed, it does make Kamelion's tragedy that much more apparent.

She Will Not Die With Shaking Hands by Ashesonthewindows
A brief character study of Romana at the very end of the Time War. Romana is sad and scared yet still too proud and stubborn to simply give up on what she knows is a hopeless cause. It's a good story, powerful and moving.

Overall: An incredibly strong category. I'm voting for "Mirror Image," but I don't think you can go wrong with any of these.

Following the lead of my colleague who reviewed the New Who Novels category, I decided to read the first three parts of each WIP and then give my opinions. Anyone who has read more of any of the stories should feel free to comment on them, of course.


Stuck on the Slow Path by sarkywoman
This story gets off to a sluggish start, as the prelude is basically a recap of the end of The Parting of the Ways. The action then skips ahead to just after The Last of the Time Lords. The Doctor is stranded on Earth, so Jack invites him to work for Torchwood. I made it through three parts, then had no interest in reading more. I appreciated the lack of errors in the writing, but the plot didn't engage my attention to any extent.


Saturday Nights by Rainbow Stripes
The first chapter is okay. The writing is decent, and the Ianto/Tosh friendship bits are pleasant. Then things head downhill, as the second chapter's rambling author's notes warn for "slight Gwen Bashing." Well, you know what? Aside from lousy punctuation, Gwen bashing was one thing I really, really did not want to see in any of these stories. And here it was, early in the category. Wonderful! In this second part, Tosh and Ianto play Mario Kart Wii, watch Grey's Anatomy, and get in a few digs at Gwen. The third piece includes a trip to a bowling alley and a lot of talking. This fic isn't actively bad (except for the bashing), but it is boring.


Slipping Through by totally4ryo & gracie_musica
This story is a FAKE/Torchwood crossover. The premise is that the FAKE characters think Torchwood is a TV show with actors playing the parts, while the Torchwood characters think the FAKE characters are the false ones, as they come from a manga. I have no familiarity with FAKE and no particular liking for this type of plot. It might greatly appeal to FAKE fans, though. Also, the writing is good enough.


Footnotes by gracie_musica
Torchwood characters interact with characters from various Doctor Who novels. Each chapter is a complete story on its own, covering a different novel, which gives it an especially satisfying feel. The first parts are well written and entertaining, and I have enough interest that I'll probably go back and read the other chapters. Am not so sure it should count as a WIP, though, since each chapter forms a standalone story. If placed in a "series" category (there isn't one in this round of CoT), I'd give it serious consideration for a vote.


Voodoo Child by robling_t
Sequel to a long story I haven't read, so it was a bit confusing. Tosh, Martha, and Gwen are all pregnant, which will bring the Torchwood field team down to two members. Has some amusing lines and is written well enough. Fans who are familiar with this series might very well want to vote for this fic.


Tidings of Comfort and Joy by teachwriteslash
This story seems to be part of a massively long series in which "Jack and Ianto meet and become lovers before Canary Wharf." And here we go, another story with "mild Gwen bashing" in the headers. There are mentions of "Empath!Ianto" (he can sense Jack's emotions) and Gwen is compared to an annoying corgi. Also, the dialogue is punctuated incorrectly. One to skip.


Never A Silent Night by bookwrm89
Another sequel. It includes a "warning" for slash, though to be fair it also warns for angst and fluff. Maybe those elements could all be placed under the designation of "genre" instead? Getting back on track, in this fic, Jack and Ianto have a baby daughter and are about to spend their first Christmas together. Then Ianto and the baby disappear. The story is cute, fluffy, and written well enough, though Ianto is a little weepy for my tastes.


What Never Should Be by blucougar57
Gets off to a bad start in the author's notes, with an "OOC" indication. Luckily, the fic is much better than that notation might lead you to expect. It's an AU of what could have happened if Jack had refused to join Torchwood in 1899. He's held prisoner and tortured for the next 106 years. Then Ianto gets a job at Torchwood and is assigned to take care of the "freak." Interesting premise; the writing is very good. The characterization of Lisa grates, but a few of the original characters are pretty interesting. I read well beyond the first three chapters.


Out of Place by Galadriel1010
Crossover with CSI. No canon Torchwood characters appear in the first three chapters, but an OC does. Her name is Jasmine "Jazz" Donovan, and she looks like she's 17 years old but is actually old enough to have great-grandchildren. (Her character bio on this page reveals much more, including Jasmine's background in the Harry Potter universe as a Hogwarts student and Snape's adopted daughter, and the truth behind her immortality.) Mary Sue + incorrect dialogue punctuation + failure to place punctuation at the ends of many sentences + way too much talking = an odd first three chapters.


Belonging by never_more_cat
The Tenth Doctor visits Jack. Takes place after Exit Wounds and Journey's End. The story is written in first person, from Jack's viewpoint. While the Jack voice is not always convincing, it's mostly all right. The writing style is reasonably good, the author knows how to punctuate, and the first three chapters are decent.


Vampire!Ianto by missthingsplace
An AU. Jack meets a vampire who's killing Cardiff residents. The vampire's name is Ianto, and sometimes his eyes flash silver, "gleaming like the metal itself and sparkling like they were impregnated with hundreds of tiny diamonds." They make a deal; Ianto stops killing people, comes to work for Torchwood, and drinks Jack's blood for sustenance. He and Jack also have lots of sex. The dialogue is punctuated incorrectly, and this character named Ianto sounds nothing like the Ianto of canon.


Revelations by baka_sensei
Ianto's feeling insecure about his relationship with Jack. While on holiday in Venice with Martha, Ianto confides in her. For some reason, after they return home, Ianto has mysteriously become much more assertive and confident. He's also taken up smoking, though why this is supposed to be a positive thing, I do not know. Fluffy fic; the plot is slight, though it did make me curious as to what was going on with Ianto.


In Bits and Pieces by kel-reiley
A non-linear story. It skips around and plays with time enough that it's confusing at points, but the writing is often beautiful and lyrical. Characterization feels right, it covers lots of ground in an intriguing way, and many of the scenes are memorable. A strong contender.


Open Your Eyes by athousanderrors and maverick0324
Another AU, where Jack and Ianto are attending a boys' school. The action begins in 1936. Ianto's nickname is "Petal," and he's afraid to play Hamlet in a school production until Jack encourages him. The characterizations are unconvincing, the dialogue is punctuated wrong, and I quickly lost interest in the plot.


Tale of a Time Agency by just_being_me08
In this AU, Ianto is a new student at the Time Agency and he meets Jack, who's an older student. Guess where this one is going. I like the Time Agency setting, though, and the story held my attention through the first three chapters. Pity that the author punctuates the dialogue wrong and uses ellipses to a distracting degree, not to mention incorrectly (too many dots, and the numbers of them appear to be random, at that): Well…..I……….He was at Poseidon last night is just one example.


Overall: My vote will likely go to What Never Should Be or In Bits and Pieces.

MILF-Hunting by KBox
The good news: this story is funnier, more plausible, and more in-character than the last story of this author's I reviewed. Also, even if I am awfully tired of the MILF acronym, at least this story didn't squick me the way the previous one did. The bad news: quite a bit of dialogue is mispunctuated; the story contains awkward constructions such as "Luke failed to register her discomfort, and continued expositing as enthusiastically as ever"; and more critically, this is crack, not fluff, at least in my opinion. It isn't the author's fault it was nominated in this category, but if you want to vote for fluff, this isn't it.

...And Things That Go Bump in the Night by Aeshna
Previously reviewed here. Again, I'd call this crack (or cracky PWP) and not fluff.

Our Secret by Cosmic_llin
Now this is fluff, as Sarah Jane runs into Chrissie Jackson and ends up bonding with her. Chrissie isn't always a sympathetic character, but she is here, thanking Sarah Jane for saving Maria's life and explaining why she always called Sarah Jane the wrong name. Light and sweet, and I wished it had been a little bit longer.

The Still Point by eponymous_rose
A beautifully written ficlet where Sarah Jane and Alan talk about their children and the wonders – and terrors – of seeing the universe. The prose is dreamy and lyrical, the character voices are spot-on, and after reading this story, I wished the show had given us a scene like this.

And When I'm Introduced To One by Maymargaret
This is a delightful story in which we see Sarah Jane's team in the past, present, and future through Harry Sullivan's eyes. Maymargaret has a perfect handle on the character voices, especially Harry's. I really, really wish the author had run this by a beta, though, because it's missing several commas and contains the sort of typos that slip through spellcheck ("wouldn't in its self"), as well as numerous capitalization errors ("Pizza"?!). Please, authors. It's not that hard to find someone to review your work.

Keeping Up With Sarah Jane by Maymargaret
This story predates the other one by the same author, and their plot and theme are very similar. Here, Harry meets Luke for the first time and comes to terms with the idea that his old friend has a son – and not just any son, but one who doesn't officially exist, and has already helped save the world. Because this story doesn't switch between time periods the way the author's other story does, "Keeping Up With Sarah Jane" feels more unified and direct. Unfortunately, it still suffers from missing commas and a comma splice here and there.

Fire and Ice by Settiai
Sarah Jane and Alan Jackson grow a little closer while under alien attack. It's a cute story with just a touch of humor, everything I look for in a good bit of romantic fluff.

Late Night Phone Call by koshiroryuu
I started giggling early on in this story and didn't stop until I reached the end. It's a 3am phone call from Maria to Sarah Jane – Maria's been studying at Cardiff University, and has obviously encountered a very old acquaintance of Sarah Jane's. Fizzy, delightful fun.

The Holly and the Ivy by SadieFlood
Much as I loved this story, I'm reluctant to call it fluff, since there's real dramatic tension here: will Maria and Sarah Jane survive trapped in a car in the middle of nowhere, with the temperature dropping and snow starting to fall? The interspersed vignettes that describe their Christmas preparations are more light-hearted and touching, and had the story consisted just of those elements, I'd say it was right for this category. That aside, even if the story doesn't quite work as fluff, it's a beautiful character study.

The Doctor and Clyde Go Adventuring (or, Don't Drink the Water) by Purple_bug
Does exactly what it says on the tin: Clyde and Ten wander an alien pub and shopping mall, get into trouble, and have to run for their lives. The Doctor feels more fully developed here as a character than Clyde, but that doesn't really detract from the story.

Memo to the BBC: please make Clyde the next companion, okay?

Not Everything About Growing Up Has To Involve Aliens by Paperclipbitch
This was terribly cute Clyde/Luke about their romance and first time together. I'd have given this one top marks if the formatting hadn't driven me nuts: I couldn't tell if the italicized words in practically every sentence were a deliberate attempt to mimic Clyde's interior monologue or just overenthusiastic emphasis, but either way, it was annoying as hell.

Overall: Many good choices here, even if they aren't all really fluff. I'm torn between The Still Point and Late Night Phone Call.

Journey's End in Crap by Sinecure

This was written in IM.  You can tell by the fact that it's not very good.  (Also, the author says as much in the notes.)  I'm quite surprised this made it past the Teaspoon mods.


A Plan With One Obvious Flaw by Netgirl_y2k

Donna is now part-Time Lord.  Donna is a woman.  The Doctor's read the Book of Genesis, he knows how this goes.  This is the perfect crackfic, right down to the last line.  I loved it.  There were a couple of bits where the punctuation was dodgy (“But we saved your village.” Donna objected. Is the "Donna objected" meant to be a new sentence, because if so, it's just kind of hanging there.  If it's not meant to be a new sentence, that should have been a comma after "village".) but that was forgivable, because this is otherwise so good.


Maturity by Orange_crushed

Handy and Rose grow old disgracefully.  This is funny and touching, and really good.


That Takes The Cake by Woffproff

Useful fact: an ellipsis is three dots: "...".  In some countries, if an ellipsis ends a sentence, it should be four dots -- that is, an ellipsis followed by a full stop: "....".

An ellipsis is not five dots, six, eight or ten dots.  That's just a row of dots, and very annoying, too.

Anyway, this is about Donna offering the Doctor some cake, and the Doctor being a pig.  The comic timing was off, and it left me rather cold.


Bouncing by Kathryn Andersen

The Doctor meets Tigger.  This is very, very short, and a bit on the twee side.  But I'm biased by the fact that I loathe Winnie the Pooh and his motley associates; if you like A. A. Milne, you'll probably enjoy the author's accurate recreation of his tone and style.


Chewing Gum by Elfgirljen

The Master objects to the Doctor's TARDIS-repair methods.  This was only slightly amusing, and left me rather cold.


Quake With Fear by Rickmaniac101

I believe this is a Doctor Horrible crossover, but as I'm not familiar with that source, I'm not sure.  I am sure that this isn't very good.  Once again, there's no comic timing, and not a lot of laughs, either, despite the farcical situation.


Doctor Who, Broadway Style! - The Sound of Music by Azriona

My least favourite fic genre ever (the filk fic), crossing over with my least favourite entertainment genre (the musical) and my least favourite musical (The Sound of Music).  It's all going adequately well until suddenly we hit the musical Moffat-bashing, and the exercise becomes unbearable.


A Rather Odd Couple by Rosa_acicularis

A Handy/Rose fic with great dialogue, perfect timing and -- it's just perfect.  I've read it before, but I'm glad I got to read it again.

Blessing and Blessing by cordelialear

The Doctor and Rose are imprisoned (again) by aliens who want them to have sex.  That's a trope that has been parodied before, and better, but this is mildly amusing.

And now, a brief announcement: As paksena/ladys_paladin is dealing with hir bannination by going anon and frankly annoying us, we've switched off anon commenting for now.  Apologies to the regular anon-types.  If it's possible to ban someone by their IP address, please tell us how (in small words, please) and we'll do that instead.

Belle De Jour by Chase820

A post-GitF fic in which the Doctor and Rose were sort of in a relationship before the episode, and now Rose is dealing with the consequences of his interlude with Reinette.  This is well-written, but problematic: the Ten/Rose relationship borders on abusive; there are a lot of classist asides, some but not all of which can be attributed to Rose's unreliable and self-loathing narrative; Rose is unrecognisably pathetic; the Doctor is just plain unrecognisable; and the whole exercise is unpleasant.


Necessity by KerrAvonsen

An AU from "Bad Wolf" where Rose takes the slow path to saving the world.  This has some amazing ideas, and a firm belief in Rose's capacity for brilliance.  It's marred by phonetic dialogue, and an historical allusion that no one outside of Australia is likely to understand.  But the ending is both extraordinarily silly and powerful, and had me doing a small dance of triumph before I moved on to the next fic.


Six Months in Croydon by Orianna2000

Ten and Rose wind up in on a planet where Pride and Prejudice is a sacred text.  This has the problem inherent to all plot-lite shipper fics: unless you, too, ship Ten/Rose, you're going to find it unspeakably dull.  However, it's well-written and slightly amusing in parts.  Just not my cup of tea.


The Greatest of These by dark_aegis

Rose ends up in an alien gulag.  This is well-written, but the violence made me uncomfortable, and I couldn't finish it.  Phonetic dialogue was my only stylistic issue with the chapters I did read.


The Judas Series by Wendymr

Now-AU version of the Doctor's reunion with Jack, in which they argue a bit, then ditch Martha and go off to get Rose.  In the hands of a less-skilled author, this story would be as awful and cliche as it sounds, but Wendymr writes every character sympathetically, and she has a good ear for dialogue.  The relationship between the Doctor and Jack is satisfying in its complexity; I don't believe that Martha would have gone off as easily as she's written here, but that's just a quibble.


Of Lessons and Laughter by Eyra

Crackfic where the Master has to teach the Doctor how to laugh an evil laugh.  This is amusing but insubstantial.

Cheating Time by Dark_aegis (Gillian Taylor) and Wendymr

The Doctor, bereft after the events of "Last of the Time Lords", cheats a bit and goes back to stalk his younger self and Rose.  Then he succumbs to temptation and takes Rose with him, and then the problems really begin.  This is a good fic, well-written and characterised.  One annoying quibble: the link from CoT goes to LiveJournal, and finding one's way from the first to the second chapter requires a bit of thinking.  (Hint: use the tags.) 


Mendelian Inheritance by mercurial_wit

A lyrical, grim fic about the Doctor and the Master, Time Lords, biology and sex.  It just has one minor flaw: there is nothing in the author's notes or header to even hint at the pairing.  Otherwise, it's a tiny piece of narrative perfection, and I loved it.


Seed Pearls by HonorH

Post-"Doomsday" fic where the closing of the rift causes Rose's memories of her original universe to fade.  The dialogue is a bit stilted, and Rose's is (as happens so often) inconsistently phonetic.  It also features the funniest lines I've ever encountered in a sex scene:

“Bad Wolf,” John growled into Rose’s ear.

And she howled.

Despite those problems, it's not a bad fic, just deeply mediocre.  At one point, the author features the Eighth Doctor, despite a note saying she knows nothing about him.  Reader, I facepalmed.


Acceptance and Loss by Ponygirl

An examination of Jack's relationship with the Doctor and Rose.  Well-written, plotty, and well-structured.  I really enjoyed it.


I Ching by Aibhinn

Another fic where Jack and the Doctor are reunited, Martha is summarily dispatched (is it oversensitive of me to cringe at the adjective "dusky"?  It smacks of exoticism and othering) and then they go off to find Rose.  This is well-written and nicely executed, but I feel like we've seen it all before.  Also, if I may offer a Brit-pick, the references to Rose's university education are very American -- true, this is the alt-verse, but since Rose seems to take the system for granted, it doesn't convince.


Odd Jobs by DameRuth

The author's note indicates that this is part of an AU series in which Nine never regenerated, and he and Jack and Rose are in an emphatically-bonded relationship.  This is a brief, eventless story about Rose having menstrual cramps, and Jack comforting her by telling her about his pregnancies.  Which is nice, if you like that kind of thing, but I have never developed a taste for either cramp!fic or mpreg, so it left me rather cold.


Back To School by Who_la_hoop

The Doctor dresses Rose in a skimpy school uniform, and they go into an empty school and engage in a little roleplay.  Which is a solid premise, given the amount of time Classic Doctors spent with companions dressed in school uniforms (okay, Romana and Turlough, but still...), but the execution here falls flat.  One might even go so far as to call it seedy.  The sex itself is missing some commas.


Shades of Grey by Malaleen

One day, I may write meta on the presence of the male gaze in fanfic written by and for a female audience.  Rose is annoyed with the Doctor's mixed signals, so she dons a revealing outfit and prepares to go out to Shareen's costume party.  The Doctor objects.  This fic contains a mass of troubling gender issues -- Rose is a tease, the Doctor becomes aggressive -- and an annoying and unnecessary moment where the author takes pains to mention that the Doctor and Romana were just friends, because despite what you may have seen on screen, they had totally incompatible ideas about being Time Lords, and Rose is the first companion he ever loved, and --

Well.  It's just not a very good fic, and the fact that the author needs to trash another ship in order to make hers look better is just the icing on the cake.


Diamond Sea by Whochick

The Eighth Doctor (and friends) turns up in the alt-verse, just in time to avert some invasions.  This is quite good -- it's well-written, and it's nice to see Eight's companions getting a look-in on some of the Eight/Rose action.  Fitz and Eight aren't remotely slashy enough, but it's not a bad fic at all.

Rulesverse Series by sam_storyteller
This series consists of a list of "rules" about Torchwood, and several stories about a new recruit named Nicholas. He enters the picture during Jack's absence, before Reset. Many of the rules are amusing, and in technical areas the story is nearly perfect. I just couldn't work up much interest in Nicholas. I hoped for more character development with every chapter, yet not enough occurred. Ultimately, these stories all fell flat for me. Readers who take to Nicholas should enjoy the series much more than I did.


Turf by darthfox
Apparently, this story is in the "other characters" category because of the presence of three people from The Sarah Jane Adventures. Here, a case takes Jack and Ianto to Sarah Jane Smith's house. It turns out that Sarah Jane and Ianto are acquainted (Ianto is a "UNIT brat"), and then a vortisaur attack sends Maria into a coma. Despite knowing that Maria will be coming out of the coma in about three hours, Alan proceeds to have sex with Jack and is not present when his daughter awakens. Maria even acts amused when she realizes what her father was up to with another man's boyfriend. Do I have issues with the characterization in this story? Oh, yeah.


Recruitment Policy by palmface
This is another story that features a new person joining the team (after Exit Wounds). Robert works for UNIT but doesn't enjoy his dull office job. When he gets an invitation to apply for a job at Torchwood, he's intrigued enough to try. However, he's not the only applicant, and two positions are open. This story traces the entire recruitment process, through the eventual hirings. While not a fascinating character, Robert was mildly interesting and the plot had enough happening to hold my attention. It also helped that every other chapter was told from the viewpoint of current Torchwood members, rather than all of them being from Robert's end. Unfortunately, while some sections are reasonably mistake-free; others contain many distracting errors (mainly typos, punctuation mistakes, and tense changes).


Overall: I think I'm going with the story that engaged me the most, which was Recruitment Policy.



BTW, anyone who noticed the discussion in the Torchwood: Novels post might be interested to learn that the troll paksena is actually embittered author ladys_paladin, who's holding a grudge due to a negative review for A Small Piece of Coral.

The IP addresses match. paksena/ladys_paladin has been banned. (And some people were wondering why we log IP addresses. It's because of immature trolls like this individual.)

Wrecking Ball Through Your Eyes by Headspin-x (Adult)

Crossover fandom is Supernatural. Martha and Dean travel across the United States during the Year That Never Was. It's very well written, with lyrical prose and spot-on character voices. I could hear Jensen and Freema reading Dean's and Martha's lines in my head. It's quite angsty (not surprising considering the subject matter), but it's a good kind of angsty. Still, I was glad when Martha left Dean at the end. The Supernatural-verse is not kind to female characters.

(I will warn that there are some problems with punctuating parentheses, but I frankly can't tell if they're typos or grammar errors, because not all the parentheses are done wrongly. Anyway, the author ought to fix them because they were the only thing detracting from a very good fic.)

A Little Problem by Leda74

Crossover fandom is Discworld. Ten and Donna visit the Disc and Donna ends up acquiring an admirer of sorts. The author tries to adopt a Pratchettian style for most of the fic, which sometimes falls slightly flat in comparison to actual Pratchett. Despite this, it's rather funny and quite enjoyable. I think I may now ship Donna/Wee Mad Arthur just a wee bit. (Also, despite being on the Den of Voles, the spelling and grammar for this fic are Teaspoon Standard or better.)

Doesn't Look Like A Hell Dimension by Kathryn Andersen

Crossover fandom is Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Instead of Donna popping up in the TARDIS directly after the end of Doomsday, Buffy shows up instead (having just jumped to what she'd thought was her death at the end of S5.) It's an interesting premise and is generally well-written, but something about the fic left me a bit cold. Your mileage may vary however.

Only Biography by Sahiya

Crossover fandom is the Vorkosigan Saga. As I still haven't gotten to reading the Vorkosigan books, I can't really judge the characterization of the crossover character, one Cordelia Naismith Vokosigan, but I liked her as Sahiya wrote her. I suspect I would have got more out of this if I'd had more familiarity with the source material. Still, the fic in general is well-written and I rather liked the bit at the beginning about the Doctor's love for the biography as a form of literature.

Operation Awesome by Neadods (AND)

Crossover is with... hmm. I suppose this is a crossover with Torchwood and the Sarah Jane Adventures but since Doctor Who is the parent show for both shows, I tend not to really think of crossovers between the Who-related shows as proper crossovers. Obviously your mileage may vary. This fic has already been reviewed by the socks at the cot_tossed in other categories. I'll echo one of the previous reviews: a very good story that just misses being great.

All In a Day's Work by Miss_baxter

Crossover fandom is Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Taking place between Runaway Bride and Partners In Crime, it has Donna saving the world from Vogons. Unfortunately, no one can save the author from badly punctuated dialog. It's a pity, really, as otherwise the fic is quite good.

June 30th by AnnLarimer

Crossover fandom is Hot Fuzz. The Doctor seems to have accidentally kidnapped Nicolas Angel, who isn't very happy about it. Unfortunately, the Doctor hasn't gotten any better at piloting the TARDIS. It's very well-written and the characterization for both fandoms is well near perfect. It's also completely and utterly hilarious.

The Wooded World of Worlds by Lady Yueh

Crossover fandom is the Chronicles of Narnia. Nine recovers from Gallifrey-Go-Boom by resting in the Woods Between Worlds. It's generally-well written and Aslan is as cryptic as he ever was in the Narnia books. On the other hand, the author seems to suffer from the urge to give nearly every sentence its own paragraph, which I felt distracted and ultimately detracted from the story.

From a World More Full of Weeping by Azar

Crossover fandom is the Chronicles of Narnia for this one as well. Of the two Narnia crossovers, this one is by far my favorite. Susan's characterization is very well done and the rest of the fic is similarly well-written. I've read this one before and the final line of it always makes me smile.

Crossing Parallels by Persiflage (Adult)

Crossover fandom is The Adventures of Luther Arkwright. Martha ends up having to take care of a strange man who looks suspiciously like Ten. The writing is quite flat, although somewhat more readable than most of this author's work. I cannot speak for the characterization of Luther Arkwright, but the author still can't manage to make her Doctor Who characters sound like the actual characters. After a while I just started skimming. (I will say that I was quite grateful that the COT awards linked to the Teaspoon version of her fic for once, though. Persiflage's lj-style tends to give me eyestrain.)

Think Fourth Dimensionally by Mimfish

Crossover fandom is Back To The Future: Part III. Ten and Rose accidentally land in 19th century Hill Valley due to the Doctor's inability to pilot the TARDIS right and of course they end up meeting Marty and Doc Brown. There's some trouble with missing commas and an unneeded space in DeLorean. And the Doctor pops his P. Of course he does. Sigh.

In General: An enjoyable category to review (until the end.) Personally, I've narrowed my pick down to three: Wrecking Ball Through Your Eyes (despite the parentheses), June 30th, and From A World More Full of Weeping.

This is a big category, and we're facing a bit of a time crunch (not to mention eye strain), so I'm going to cheat a bit with the novel category.  I'm going to read the first three chapters of each entry, and comment specifically on those chapters.  (Unless, of course, it's a particularly compelling fic, in which I reserve the right to change my mind.)  Anyone who has read beyond the first chapters is welcome to offer their own comments in the ... comments.

One True Free Life by The_tenzo

I started out by cheating, because this fic has really short chapters.  (Except for the porn.)  Alt-Doctor and Rose try to settle into their new life together on Pete's World, while saving it from a very human threat.  This has some very good moments, mixed with some very basic punctuation errors.  (The usual problem of the comma that should precede a name in dialogue.  If my second-grade teacher was around, she'd despair.  Also, a whole chapter is -- accidentally, by the looks of it -- center-formatted, which isn't unforgivable, but is annoying and careless.)  The espionage plot is well-executed; straight out of an episode of Alias, but you know, I loved Alias. 


Disheveled by Rabid1st

The first three chapters of this fic feature:
- alien sex (the Doctor's semen is like pop rocks!  And that's just the beginning.)
- some strange ideas about lesbians (the Doctor's apparent lack of sexual response might make Rose a lesbian?)
- an over-involved apple metaphor
- a mature treatment of the Doctor/Reinette relationship
- an aside to confirm that, while Rose isn't a virgin, she's not like a slut, so that's okay
- inconsistently phonetic dialogue
- lots and lots and lots of sex

I might like this better if I shipped Ten/Rose, but since I don't, I merely found it very dull and slightly silly. 


In Another Life By Sam-storyteller

Alt-Ten adapts to life in Pete's World (yes, again): having a relationship with Rose, putting together a team of people we know from the original universe.  This is well-written and has some good dialogue, but it's unspeakably boring.  Brief quotes from Dorothy L. Sayers (now there's an author with some problematic phonetic dialogue, speaking of...) only serve to highlight how dull the rest of the fic is by contrast.  I cheated and skimmed the fourth chapter, in which things seem to pick up a bit, but frankly, that's too little, too late.


A Long History by Jessa L'Rynn

In which sixteen-year-old Rose, on a boring holiday with her Mum, meets hundred-and-seventeen-year-old Theta Sigma (*sigh*), who has wandered off on an Academy field trip.  Cute premise, but the first chapter is marred by mischaracterisation of Jackie (she's in the bar with a bloke, ignoring Rose) and the Doctor, who sounds a lot like Nine and Ten, but nothing at all like One.  In the second chapter, Rose gives the Doctor the idea to steal a TARDIS and go on the run.  Chapter three opens with some horrible, horrible Jackie-writing, and ends with "Thete" sneering at her clothes.  

I normally like fics about the Doctor's youth, and stories in which he meets companions out of sequence, but this story is terrible.  There's no respect for Classic canon or characterisation, and the Jackie-bashing, combined with an emphasis on Rose's inherent ladylike qualities, makes me extremely uncomfortable.  And the phonetic dialogue is just plain bad.  It was a struggle just to manage three chapters of this.


Tapestry by Wendymr

This actually seems to be two novel length fics, which is rather cheeky.  I'm also a bit curious as to where one draws the line between a Doctor Who fic that features Torchwood, and a Torchwood fic that features the Doctor.  The author describes it as "not quite a Torchwood fic", but the only non-TW character listed is the Doctor -- and then it's in the DW novel category.  But that's neither here nor there.  This is good -- not my cup of tea (see comments re: Torchwood, presence of), but well-written and well-characterised.  The Doctor turns up in the Hub to invite Jack to travel with him again.  The dialogue crackles, the internal monologues are convincing, and then it spins off into an AU version of "Sleeper" and Torchwood's second season.  It's not my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean it's not a good fic.


Behind Closed Doors by ZephyrHawk

Yet another story about Handy adjusting to his new life.  Inconsistently phonetic dialogue and questions without question marks.  And the first three chapters are simply dull: we've seen all of this before, and this story adds nothing new.  Aside, that is, from the absurd claim that the 'heli' in 'helicopter' comes from 'helium'.  (It was a French coinage: 'helicoptere', from the Greek 'helicos' (wing) and 'pteron' (wing).  If you were wondering, and I know you all are.  Turns out that my brother's childhood aviation obsession was good for something after all!)


Now We Have A Map Of The Stars by Zauberer Sirin

Previously reviewed here.


To Have and Not To Hold by mtemplar

A sequel to "The Brain of Morbius", in which the Sisterhood of Karn have some unpleasant plans for the Doctor, and Rose uncovers some of his secrets.  I read well beyond the third chapter, and quite enjoyed this -- the plot is strong, and although there's rather too much emphasis on Lungbarrow fanon for my taste, it's executed quite well.  The later chapters, where the Sisterhood's representatives are effectively shipping Ten/Rose, are less interesting, but the plot remains strong.

Emotional Baggage by Catsfiction

This isn't a novel, but a series of linked post-episode stories set during season four.  The first story has some very improbable observations about Martha -- she expected the Doctor to sleep with her in exchange for her earning power in "Blink"?  This is a solid set of stories -- some are quite short, so I read most of them -- but anything involving Martha is so unlikely as to border on character-bashing.

Also, it's still not a novel.


In conclusion, I think I've lost my taste for long stories where the characters spend chapters and chapters having sex and worrying about their surprisingly mundane relationships.  If I'm going to invest a lot of time and energy into reading a fic of substantial length, I like a bit of plot to liven things up.  My vote, therefore, is going to Wendymr's "Tapestry".  In fact, I'm just nipping off to read the rest of it.

Death Note by Smirnoffmule
Episode tag to "Exit Wounds," in which Ianto ponders the nature of death, what he misses about his two friends, and what he might put in a death note of his own. It's an absolutely gorgeous story: insightful, meditative, and funny at times, with poetic language and imagery that bring Ianto's interior monologue to life.

The Art and Science of Forgiveness by Genagirl
The author warns in advance that "Jack isn't as nice as you might think he is" in this story, which fills a gap in time between Lisa's death and Ianto's return to the Hub. "Isn't as nice" doesn't even begin to cover the out-of-character behavior here – not only does Jack lock Ianto away in the vaults for two days, leaving him to suffer, the other characters, including compassionate Gwen, let him.

This is not the Jack Harkness I know: Jack Harkness watched [Ianto] go, relief washing through him like cold water. He had broken Ianto, shattered that indomitable spirit, deconstructed his psyche, knocked away his confidence and torn his heart to shreds. Now he could rebuild him, mold him and shape him into the form he needed and wanted. I was appalled.

Waltzing the Bruise, the Mechanism Unspools by kayliemalinza
Kayliemalinza imagines four dates for Jack and Ianto, one after each of the first four episodes of Series Two. It's a lovely story full of vivid descriptions and metaphors, as well as character notes that make this feel like Jack and Ianto instead of two random men who happen to be dating. The second section, in which Ianto discusses additions to his List of Grievances and Concerns, was my favorite part.

Symphony Eroica, Accompanied by the Shipwrecked by Antelope_writes
After "Adrift," Ianto takes Gwen to a bird sanctuary, where a story about a turkey vulture sparks a discussion about Jack, his history, and his emotional bonds to Ianto and Gwen. This is the sort of plot device that can end up feeling forced and hamhanded, but that's not the case here: the conversation between Gwen and Ianto flows naturally, as it would with close friends. Frankly, I liked this story more than "Adrift" itself.

Movie Night by Jadesfire2808
The title of this story made me dubious – I don't usually like the "movie night" trope in fic – but this was a different take on it, where Tosh and Ianto watch old Torchwood footage to make sure nothing else will come creeping out of it, as it did in "From Out of the Rain." What does come creeping out is something more bittersweet, when Jack appears in a forty-year-old video with his arm around another man, and Tosh notices Ianto's reaction. Even though I don't think this story is as strong as some of the others in this category, it's still good work and worth reading.

But One Man Loved the Pilgrim Soul in You by Lanna Michaels
I'm not really sure why this story is in the Episode Tag category, since it seems to take place during "Fragments." Told as a series of vignettes, the story follows Ianto's Torchwood career, beginning with the aftermath of Canary Wharf. The Ianto and Jack characterizations seemed overly cynical and a little heartless to me at first, but they both soften after the Series One vignettes end, and it was interesting to see how the author made this alternate take on the characters believable.

Overall: An almost completely solid list of stories to choose from, but I'm going with Death Note.

Four Ways Jack and Gwen Fell In Love, And One Way They Didn't by such_heights
Here we have a (mostly) Jack/Gwen story, finally. The title is self-explanatory. Nice use of present tense, the story has a good, fluid style, and the scenarios are believable. My favorite was the second one, as I could very much see it happening. I didn't quite buy that Jack and Gwen would have the conversation they did in the final section, but all in all, that's a minor complaint.


five times Death stopped for Jack (and once he didn't) by kaydeefalls
Lovely writing here, for the most part, with a strong beginning, good pacing, and some excellent dialogue. The second section, with great Owen characterization, stands out. Many authors get him subtly wrong; not so in this case. However, the fourth part, with Jack's latest death being treated almost as a joke, is very jarring.


Ten things to do at Torchwood when you're dead by Netgirl_y2k
Bias alert: I was familiar with this story beforehand and already loved it. It's a gentle, very funny send-up of Torchwood. Or, what happens when Owen accidentally vaporizes Ianto and Tosh. This story also would have been a great fit in the crackfic category, as a bored Tosh and Ianto find that there isn't much to do at Torchwood when one is dead. That is, aside from playing "I Spy" and watching the others struggle to work the espresso machine. The dialogue is hilarious, and I enjoyed seeing a Tosh/Ianto friendship fic.


10 Things Jack Harkness Learnt About Ianto Jones by butterflycells
Sigh. "Gwen bashing" in the headers is not a positive start. I did like how Jack made various observations about Ianto, who in this case was not just one half of the Jack-and-Ianto pairing. Ultimately, though, the story tells too much and shows too little. The inclusion of dialogue probably would have helped considerably.


Right & Wrong by tavven
The start, with a questionable portrayal of Gwen, was not the best. The fic quickly improved, though, and became a good showcase of the development of Jack and Ianto's relationship. Ianto's family background was a highlight.


All the Dishes Rattle In the Cupboards When the Elephants Arrive by out_there
This one showcases five scenarios in which Ianto might have met the Doctor over the years. While the Doctor's dialogue doesn't sound right at times, the chronological approach works in this story's favor, and it all builds up to a powerful ending. Nice characterization of Ianto.


Overall: A pretty strong category. My vote will probably go to Ten things to do at Torchwood when you're dead. Good cases could be made for most of the other stories, as well.

The Annual UNIT Picnic by Primsong
I snickered all the way through this. The Doctor "enhances" the sausages and condiments; the Brig wears a "Kiss the Cook" apron; and of course, there's an unexpected alien invasion. Let's face it, you can't lose with a fic that involves UNIT fighting off aliens with cans of whipped cream.

The Unplanned Pregnancy of Rassilon by Lizbee
Although this story includes a character from the Gallifrey audios, you don't need to have heard those to follow along; Lizbee provides all the introduction you need in a short author's note. The dialogue is snarky, snappy, and occasionally ridiculous in the best possible way, as in "Romana, I am not sending K9 out to find your sex tape." Since this was written before Series 4 had fully aired, the ending is now AU, but it's funny just the same.

Savage Meal by Srmcd1
Leela's hungry for something other than jelly babies, and the Doctor leaves her in a pocket reality that conveniently is nothing more than a large room with banquet tables loaded with food. Leela gets stuck there longer than expected and eats herself to impossibly large, cartoonish proportions. That's pretty much it, really, and if you find that kind of plot amusing, you'll like this – unfortunately, it fell flat for me.

UNITWOOD by AND
Written for the cliché-swap fic exchange that spawned so many great stories, this one takes several Torchwood tropes and applies them to UNIT. AND skewers everything from Torchwood's "outside the government, beyond the police" tag lines, to their sexual promiscuity, to Zombie Owen, and it's all hysterically funny.

Best Served Hot by Rivendellrose
This is more sweet Harry/Sarah Jane fluff than it is crack, as Harry takes Sarah Jane to a seafood restaurant to help him come to terms with an incident from "Genesis of the Daleks." If this weren't the crackfic category, I'd vote for "Best Served Hot" in a heartbeat – the Harry and Sarah Jane voices are perfect, and the story is charming.

Overall: So many good choices, but UNITWOOD made me laugh the hardest.

Precious Little Space Dumplings of Love by Call Me Puffendorf (shaggydogtail)

AU from "Last of the Time Lords" in which the Master is the Doctor's prisoner, the Doctor has conjured a set of psychic cufflinks (oooh-er!) to keep the Master close by, hijinks ensue.  This is the perfect way to open the Doctor/Master category -- laugh-out-loud funny in parts, unspeakably witty in others, and everything is spelled properly.  I read it, then I read it again, then I rushed over to write this review.  Yes, I am gushing. 


Mind Games by Seal_girl

The Doctor travels back in time to the point when the Master is completing his paradox machine.  They have sex.  I have several problems with this fic. 

Firstly, "timewar" and "timelord".  Should be. Two. Separate. Words.  (Okay, four separate words.)  I mean, "Last of the Time Lords" - it was right there in the opening titles! 

More subjectively, I found the writing rather simplistic for such a complex story.  Lots of exposition, and lots of sentences ending with exclamation marks!  It was a bit like reading porn written by C. S. Lewis!  It was very jarring!  Exclamation marks should be used sparingly, and rarely (if ever) in narrative!

Finally, and most subjectively, I found it impossible to believe that the Doctor could behold the paradox machine, this perversion of his oldest and dearest companion, and then turn around and have sex with the man who perpetrated that obscenity. 

On the other hand, I have to give points to the author for writing a sub!Master, which is something we don't see nearly often enough.  It doesn't compensate for the other problems, but I always appreciate a bit of fanon defiance.


The Space Between Opposites by savagestime

As the link on the Children of Time site leads to a locked LJ entry, this fic won't be reviewed.


Well, that was an unexpectedly short category!  But my vote, of course, will go to "Precious Little Space Dumplings of Love".  How could it not?  DUMPLINGS!

Clues/Choices by Lindenharp (Robin C)
These are actually two separate stories, and I don't understand why two fics from the same author are allowed to be nominated in this category. Then again, CoT seems to allow entire series to be nominated in a story category, or at least doesn't explicitly disallow it, or possibly just didn't pay attention when the nomination came in.

Regardless of whether these stories should both be eligible, they're great. In "Clues," Jack is still firmly in con-man mode, trying to figure out all the angles, including what species the Doctor is. In "Choices," the Doctor negotiates for Jack's release from the Time Agents who have captured him, allowing the two men to explore their loyalty to one another. Jack's interior monologues feel true to his character, and even if I wish Nine's dialogue had fewer dropped letters at word endings, both stories are lovingly written.

Mind you, if you're looking for actual Jack/Doctor content, you're not going to get it here. These are both stories about friendship, not sex, as much as any story involving Jack can separate friendship from lust.

Held at a Distance by Rallalon
Previously reviewed here; a terrific set of stories.

Atonement by Sahiya
Previously reviewed here, and definitely worth reading if you're an angst fan.

Through The Eyes of a Child by Nightrider101
I wanted to like this one more than I did. It's not a bad story by any means – the writing is pretty solid, and I liked Jack's introspection. At times the author seemed to be trying too hard to build parallels between Jack's actions in this story to what he did in "Sleeper," and I would have preferred to let Jack's dialogue and actions speak for themselves rather than have the author spell things out for me.

One Quiet Moment by Szm
Brief little vignette in which Jack feels restless, finds Nine listening to the TARDIS' humming, and falls asleep on his shoulder. There are some missing commas and a typo or two I found slightly distracting, but mostly I found myself wishing for more introspection here – just a little bit more to chew on than what the author gives us.

A Very Bad Idea by Joolz
A cute and funny story with a familiar plot: the Doctor takes Jack to a formal ball, gets jealous when he sees Jack flirting with other people, and finally decides it's okay to sleep with Jack. There were moments when I didn't quite buy Ianto's dialogue, and Mickey seems uncharacteristically nasty, but it's otherwise entertaining.

Don't Close Your Eyes by Becky_H
After the Doctor burns the Master's body, Jack spends the night on the TARDIS, and the two men work out the pain and suffering of the past year in the time-honored manner: rough, desperate sex. There was so much physical description of whose body part was where at any given time that ironically, I occasionally had problems following the action, but as PWP goes, this is very good stuff, and there's a rather sweet coda with Martha.

Wrongs by Shinodabear
The dialogue here between Jack and the Doctor is wonderful – sparkling, witty, flirtatious sparring that's entirely true to character. I wish the Doctor's elliptical statements comparing Jack to the Master (really, it makes sense in context) had been a touch clearer at times, but I'd happily read this again just to imagine Tennant and Barrowman delivering these lovely lines.

Overall: No real bad choices here, though there were clear standouts: Clues/Choices if you're a fan of Jack/Doctor friendship, Don't Close Your Eyes if you'd rather vote for porn, and Wrongs if you want to reward fantastic dialogue. (There's nothing wrong with Held at a Distance, either, though it's already getting my Short Story vote.)

Lust, Spite and Malice by Lionessvalenti
I'm not sure I buy the idea of Ianto as a dom, much less one who'd pistol-whip Captain John Hart essentially as foreplay. But if you can deal with that, this is reasonably good Ianto/John, and Lionessvalenti does an excellent job with John's voice. The porn is more minimalist than I prefer, but I'd rather see minimalist and direct than read about someone's throbbing shaft. Readers into M/M dom/sub scenarios will probably like this one.

Proof by Ladygray99
"Sir" should not be capitalized unless it's beginning a sentence or preceding a knight's name. There are loads of missing commas, and not just in discretionary locations. The story is riddled with typos. And that's before you even get to the plot, which involves Jack deciding that poor, sexually repressed Ianto, abused as a child for having impure thoughts, just needs a little of the ol' healing cock to feel better about himself. The sex, when you actually get to it, isn't bad, but the story mechanics and plot made it so hard to reach that point that it wasn't worth it.

Just Desserts by Ophymirage
This story consists of nothing but completely untagged dialogue without quotation marks. There's no exposition, and very few cues about who's speaking at any given time. It's a style that can work well in short bursts, but over the course of three chapters, it's just about unreadable. Because of this style, you end up with lines in the sex scene like "Oh! OH! GOD! JACK! GOOD! ahh... hhhaaaaahhhhh... godddddd... ." I felt as if I were spying on someone's RP IM cybersex, which is fine if you're into that sort of thing, but useless if you want something that reads like a cohesive narrative.

More by Unfeathered
Very few quibbles with this one – it's a pretty hot mild dom/sub scene in which Jack shows Ianto just what sex with Nine was like. I liked the imagery of a very dominant Nine telling Jack to strip, and loved the way a bowl of ice water and a glass dildo came into play. Definitely recommended for fans of kink and Jack/Ianto.

Homecoming by Teachwriteslash
(Important note: the link CoT provides for this story points to teachwriteslash's LJ. The link above points to the right place. All part of the service here at cot_tossed.)

I had my doubts about this story from the second sentence, which refers to "Brigadier Alastair Letherbridge-Stewart." It's another story that could have benefited from a thorough once-over by a beta who knows about good comma placement, not that this would have helped the sex, which involves purple phrases such as "leaking cock" and "Ianto also cried out and released his own essence in blistering waves over the sheets below."

A Taste of Ianto by Buttononthetop
Because Ianto's been busy filing, he and Jack have gone without sex for three whole days. (OH NO!) In retaliation, Jack begins a series of delayed-gratification games with Ianto, culminating in sex and light S&M. The character voices aren't wholly convincing, and though the story starts out in Jack's POV, it shifts to Ianto's midway through the first section, and then starts mixing POVs within the same paragraphs. If the POV issues were cleaned up, along with some trite language and spelling inconsistencies, this would be a better story. As is, it still needs work.

Moving In by Calico
The setup couldn't be simpler: it's Ianto's first day at work, Jack thinks he's hot, and he decides to see if Ianto wants to have sex. Tightly written, with cheeky humor, characters who actually sound like themselves, and very hot sex. (My only complaint, and it's a tiny one, is that "Hub" needs to be capitalized throughout.) Highly recommended.

Mine by enkanowen
The reviewers here at cot_tossed talk a lot about the basic mechanics of spelling, grammar, and formatting, and the reason is that these mechanics are important. They're literally the difference between a story that's readable and one that isn't. And here, the multiple missing commas and paragraphs that frequently lack space between them make this story almost too difficult to read.

I struggled through anyway, and found a story about a premise that didn't sound in-character to me: Jack and Ianto cheer up Gwen on her Hen Night by handcuffing her to a chair and having sex in front of her. Never mind asking whether Gwen wants to watch – though this is PWP, so of course she loves it. I understand that kinkmeme prompts often feature out-of-character scenarios; the writer's challenge is to make those scenarios hot and believable anyway. This story was neither, in my opinion.

What It Is by Becky_H
Jack and Captain John have rough sex against a wall. Not my particular kink, but this is well-executed, with language that feels as rough and brutal as the sex itself. I liked the last paragraph a lot for its insight into Jack's character.

Overall: Some very high highs, some very low lows, and where's the PWP femslash, Torchwood fans? Tosh is hot. (That aside, my vote goes to Moving In.)

Late Night Loss by Galadriel1010
Didn't read it. A preliminary skimming revealed that the dialogue punctuation is consistently incorrect. For me, getting this basic issue so wrong so often is a deal-breaking flaw, especially when the problem can easily be fixed with the help of a beta reader.

As for those poor commas, recently I've seen comments that they are boring, minor, picky details. I totally disagree, but I appreciate commas enough to make up for several people who don't. Just look at the following sentence:
“So how do you know Jack Mickey?”

As it reads, the questioner is asking someone how that person is acquainted with an individual named Jack Mickey.

The author meant to type the following:
"So how do you know Jack, Mickey?"

In the above sentence, the questioner is asking Mickey how he came to be acquainted with Jack. There's quite a difference in meaning between sentence 1 and sentence 2, and it's all because of a comma. Lovely things, commas. They matter.


Magwitch by angstosaur
I'm the reviewer who looked at this story's sequel, Queen Takes Knight's Pawn, over in the Dark category. I didn't have enough interest in the plot to finish that fic. Fortunately, this one was better. I made it all the way through, and was reasonably entertained. The story starts soon after Gwen's wedding, with a mystery involving a dead Weevil. Some of the action was very good, I liked a lot of the cliffhangers, and the mystery got me interested right away, but points off for too-frequent technical errors.

Sample text from the end of a chapter:
He was so very tired, if he could just rest up for a while, he realised that at least the shivering had stopped, although something in the back of his mind tried to alert him to the fact that that wasn’t necessarily a good sign. It didn’t take long before he collapsed for the final time, his pulse slowing as the cold claimed him.


The Theory of Two Centres by sam_storyteller
Intriguing story where Ianto wakes up to discover that he's been retconned and has lost his memories from the last four years. He has a choice between taking an ordinary job, or meeting Jack to find out why his memories are gone. Ianto chooses the second option. The story moves between "Now" and "Then" to gradually reveal the truth. The writing is brilliant, the characterization is excellent, and I read all of the chapters straight through when I maybe should have been doing something else instead. It was that good.

The following terrific sentence serves as both summary and opening line:
Ianto Jones woke up in a bed that wasn't his, in a flat that wasn't his, wearing clothing that definitely wasn't his.


Torn by missthingsplace
Previously saw this one in the Dark category. The dialogue punctuation is still consistently incorrect.

A brief quote:
“It's okay Cariad, I've got you.” Ianto told him softly.


Vizzini's Rule by buttononthetop
This fic goes from Ianto's decision to work at Torchwood Three all the way to the end of the first season. I preferred the chapters with original material to the ones that mostly recapped various episodes of the show. The former gave the author more opportunity to display her own style and abilities. The writing tends to be pretty good, though I could have done without the bits in the End of Days sections that reflected the author's dislike of Gwen's actions.

Here's a good bit from early in the story:
Ianto didn’t think it would be wise to correct the Captain’s misinterpretation of his astonishment. He’d been thinking that it was a pit and he couldn’t imagine how four people could make such a mess. Instead he simply nodded, fearing his voice might betray his dismay.


Overall: It's got to be obvious that I think The Theory of Two Centres is in a league of its own.